Thursday, July 09, 2009

The Super Duper Home Handyman

There was a storm last night, we just barely caught the edge of it but it was a pretty big deal. An 18 wheeler blew over on Interstate 30 in Greenville. And the cashier at Wal Mat had her barn blown down. Most important, the cardboard in the window filling in the extra space where the window unit air conditioner is in the master bathroom in my house blew out.

I had the plywood cut and painted, I was just waiting for it to get ripe. Can't harvest until it's ripe, you know. Anyhow I looked up and down the street, no FEMA trucks anywhere. I though Obama was going to fix disaster relief!

So I had to spring into action with my unripe, but dry, painted plywood. I put the tupe of silicon into the caulking gun and then put a big bead on the top and bottom. The Linda Lou went and stood in the bathroom and raised the window. Disaster! She raised the window too much, the plywood went in way too far and Linda Lou, and then me, were covered in silicon. We finally got the plywood in place, the window lowered and I started into the house to get the silicon off us. Disaster, again. Linda Lou was trying to wash the silicon caulk off herself with soap and water.

Where is FEMA when disaster strikes? I'll tell you, they were busy buying Michelle O's $9500.00 clutch purse. Yes, my friends, the Obamas were partying while barns blew down! While helpless citizens were getting covered in silicon caulk! Oh, the humanity!

After I wiped the caulk off me with a paper towel I tackled the mess all up and down Linda Lou;s arms and hands. Note to all who are not super duper home handymen like me: If you get silicon caulk all over you do not, repeat, do not try to use soap and water on it. Wipe it off with a throw away rag or paper towel, if there is any left, lighter fluid. Further note, even non smokers should have some lighter fluid around. Pretty much anything that won't clean up with soap and water cleans right up with lighter fluid.

Well, anyhow, the damage is repaired, no thanks to FEMA. Oh, and it seems that the overturned semitrailer truck is righted and the Wal Mart cashier has already arranged to work a couple more shifts a week until her and her husband have their barn rebuilt. If only Obama wasn't gallivanting around the world, instead of staying in Washington and directing FEMA to disasters we would have all been spared this trauma.

No comments: