Back To Going To Meetings.

 It's been a while but I am back going to meetings, early in sobriety I was told that when one hits a rough patch, one should double up on AA meetings, so, there I was. Of course, some of the folks there don't really believe that someone with nearly twenty-eight years would still need support. Then I drove home at shortly after nine PM, didn't have it in me to stop near the lake and watch the fireworks, just drove home, picked up Bingo T. Pug, aka Lt. Commander Fatboy and went in and got online.

 I have all of Linda Lou's clothes out of the big closet, and dunno what I'm gonna do with all that room. And am slowly moving all my socks and underwear out of the two bottom drawers into the whole Chester Drawers.Funny, I have T shirts that haven't been worn in multiple years. I do need to got to the Gold Toe sock store and pick up some more of those almost knee length boot socks.  It's been almost ten years since I bought two bags of six pair each and the elastic is starting to give out. Those white cotton boot socks are the very best socks for those who wear boots.

 Meanwhile I'm doing my best to load up a bunch of .38 and .357 ammo to send to North Carolina with the kids, they are going to caravan in two cars to see the number two boy and his family. Number two boy already has my old Marlin 1894C .357 carbine and the kids are taking Linda Lou's Model 60 S&W .38. I have five hundred ca'tridge cases cleaned up and primed, now all I gotta do is load 'em up.

 I also have to write to get my DD214 and see if I can get a little help from the VA for the Peter's Semi-Portable Pharmacy. Since my insurance has changed my monthly ton o' pills has gone from around seventy-five dollars to nearly four hundred. For this I thank Obamacare.  I'm kind of used to politicians lying but to have this abortion of a bill called the "Affordable Care Act" is a new low even for Democrats.

I'm Twenty-Seven And Don't Look A Day Over Sixty-Five!

 Saturday was my twenty-seventh AA "birthday, the anniversary of my sobriety date. It was a double party, the more important part was Josiah's sixth birthday party held at McDonald's Germ Garden with about seven thousand screaming kids. I can only stand about two minutes at a time back there in Microbe Manor before I have to beat a retreat to the dubious refuge of the front of the McCafe.

 I don't really understand how the noise bothers me so much, seein' as how I'm just about deef as a post but there it is. So I shot a few pics and then went out and tried to get the laptop running. I managed to get it started and it worked fine, then I got it home and, dead, again. My new virus scan has been catching and blocking a portscan every few minutes, if I only knew what a portscan is.

 Meanwhile my big Dell has a Trojan and I don't think it's the kind sold only to prevent disease, meanwhile I don't have anywhere near the money it costs to have the professional geeks to defuse it.

 Anyhow, I'll be trying to post a few pics soon but other than that I've mostly been running from one place to another.

 Update: As often happens my dear sweet wife fell over again, getting into the house and this time she skinned her arm pretty good, causing a little bleeding. I whupped out my red bandanna to keep her from bleeding all over her clothes and, after we finally got inside, put the peroxide and anti-biotic salve on and then the band-aids. Told ya I carried bandannas for a reason! Although I really wish she'd learn to be careful.

Birthday Meeting.

I forget to mention my twenty-five year birthday meeting, actually a meeting where the whole group celebrates all of the "year anniversaries" for the month. We left the kids at Germ Gardens and started wending our way back home, unfortunately Linda Lou turns into a pumpkin and cannot do a midnight meeting any more. Which meant that I got her home, got to visit my own bathroom and then had to get into the car and drive again to the group where I sobered up. Lucky they're giving gasoline away these days.

So, I drove another fifty-odd miles, in a slightly different direction, to the group I first sobered up in. I don't go there very often, just to celebrate these days. It's mostly a beginner's group, I fear it might be on it's last legs. The Saturday Midnight birthday meetings were once crowded and lively, this one was sad and attendance was sparse.

Worse were the people "celebrating". There was no joy. Well, I brought a few bucketsful but I don't know that it was enough to dispel all the gloom. If I was sitting out there with one day or one week sober I might have gone out for a bottle after some of those folks celebrating.

There is a reason we celebrate our AA "birthdays" and it has little or nothing to do with cake or a shiny new medallion, or "look at me, I'm special!" We celebrate birthdays because life as an active drinking alcoholic bites the big one. Getting and staying sober for the first few years is HARD! Things do, though, get better. Much better, eventually.

The whole purpose of celebrating those birthdays is to say, "I've been where you are". I am not anything special. I did a few simple (not particularly easy) things and now my life is much better. If I can do this, so can you. Come join me where life is better. I will help you but you must do it.

That is why we celebrate. If I had not stopped drinking those 25 years ago, I would not be alive today. This I know. We in AA have no opinion about other people's drinking, all we say is come see us if it causes problems in your life. We get asked a lot "what makes an alcoholic?" We don't know. There is a simple answer to those wondering "am I an alcoholic?" The answer? If it causes problems, it is a problem.

I got sober when AA was celebrating the fiftieth anniversary of the forming of the first AA group. Well, now AA is seventy-five. And I have been sober for one third of that. And so, we look for the next drunk, wanting to change his or her life. So AA can have it's 100th anniversary. I doubt, with my health, I'll see it from this side of the grass. I hope many will, and are just as glad to live free and sober as I am.

Oh, speaking of "birthday presents", our number two boy called from North Carolina. He managed a promotion at his job and his wife is pregnant again. Grandchild number eleven will be here about next April. They're hoping for a girl, they already have four boys. We ran long on boys and short on cash around here. Anyhow, I don't know how many are in a full squad these days but it used to be eleven in a rifle squad, not that I ever saw any up to full strength. So, my dream of a squad in the Armed Services of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is almost complete.

Those disreputable looking fellers up top? Pals of mine in recovery, Doug, JT, Steve and the bald fat guy.

Happy "Birthday" To Me.

It was 1985 when I woke up to my very last hangover (so far, anyway). I have been sober now for twenty-five years. I by no means did this alone. Without the loving help of a gracious and forgiving God I would never had a chance, and that is just the beginning. Although He is the most important.

My family, too was very important, I doubt I'd even be alive, much less sober and fairly happy, without my Linda Lou. The added "family" from AA was the last thing that made the difference.

The wonderful thing about AA is that almost never did an alcoholic recover from drunkenness before Bill W. and Dr. Bob sobered up in 1935 and wrote down what they did. That, I believe, is the key to AA's success. Before AA it was always some smart person looking down his nose at a drunk and saying "this is what you should do". Much like those idiots in Washington, DC, most of whom have never run a hot dog stand, trying to run American business from afar. We see how this is working. How about that Recovery Summer, Barry?

Bill W. and Dr. Bob did not do that. They sobered up. Then they wrote down what they did. In a way it's kind of depressing to stand in front of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and look out over the group. Experience has shown that more than half of the people will die as wet drunks. Those who do not recover are the ones too smart to follow directions.And it's really that simple. Those willing to follow some simple (not easy, simple) directions are the ones who recover.

I believe that it also takes a certain amount of stubbornness. We alcoholics say that, in order to recover, one must "hit bottom", have one's life get so awful that one is willing to make the effort to change. This is why trust fund kids and actors and famous athletes are so often train wrecks. A lot of money can insulate one from the damage. Anyhow, once one has hit bottom and started the recovery process it takes a peculiar combination of willingness to follow directions and enough stubbornness to keep on when things get hard. It also take the knowledge that there is always another bottom, always lower and worse than the one before.

I do not know that if anyone new in sobriety will ever read this. If one does I have a special message. Try to remember the pain. To recover I need to remember that pain and live with the knowledge that I don't ever have to feel that way again. That is one of the main reasons we keep going to meeting once we have a year or so sober, by the way. Humans are hard wired to forget our own pain. I usually prove this by noting all the women out there with two or more babies. Going to meetings, though, and seeing the newcomers struggling with trying to get, and stay, sober reminds us of our own pain.

Yes, the bad news is that half will fail. The good news, half will win. Todauy I am a winner. It's my twenty-fifth "birthday" Too bad my knees and back (and a few other parts which I shall not name.You're welcome.) do not believe I'm twenty-five.

I'm 24 Today, Thanks To To Whom It May Concern!

Today marks my 24th AA Birthday, 24 years without any drink of alcohol. After the first 23 years it was easy!Actually, it was the first three or four years but let's not quibble over details.

When I first got sober I had very confused religious beliefs. I liked to say that I was an atheist on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, an agnostic on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and I took Sundays off and didn't think about it.

So I sobered up, with a lot of help. One of the first things they told me was that, to stay sober, I had to pray. That was great news to a man who did not believe. This prayer business is one of the main things that prevents alcoholics and addicts get sober or "clean" as the addicts say, through the 12 Step Programs.

It is not just the help we get through prayer that is important, perhaps more important is admitting that we do need the help of that higher power, that we are not, as individuals, strong enough to defeat alcoholism.

So, back when I was still fighting that struggle as a newcomer, not being able to keep that knee from shaking, I couldn't pray. So I asked about it. Someone, I can't remember his name but I later went to his funeral when the disease defeated him*, told me two things that saved my life. The first was that I did not have to understand God. God understood me, that's what really counted. and the second was that I could have a temporary higher power until I got my religious beliefs more or less in order.

So I started praying. At first it was short and simple. "To whom it may concern, please help me stay sober today" in the morning. At night it was: To whom it may concern, thank you for helping me stay sober today".

That simple prayer helped and and my religious beliefs strengthened, I've never forgotten the power of prayer. This does not mean that prayer is the end all and be all of the whole thing. There is a very common prayer that includes the phrase "give us this day our daily bread". This does not mean that I can kneel down and say those words, then lean my head back and open my mouth and wait for a sandwich to fall from the sky. He does not work that way, although He could.

I can only assume that "give us this day our daily strength so we can go out and scuffle up our own damned bread" was too long for the sermon. At any rate I no longer consider To Whom It May Concern as my higher power. It's very comforting to know, though, that He answered to that when I really needed Him. I am convinced to this day that it doesn't matter much what you call Him if you are sincere when calling Him. I do not know the time limit on using To Whom It May Concern as His name. I just know it worked for me until I got those beliefs in order.

I am pretty sure that To Whom It May Concern will answer to others, not just alcoholics. So, if you, or anyone you know is having troubles too heavy for one person to carry but is unsure about religion, try the temporary higher power.

*It's a sure sign you're getting old when you can remember the funerals but not the names.