Dear Campbell's Chunky Soup:
I'm writing to thank you for helping me get through this temporary bachelorhood and bout of appointments with the Physical Terrorists. Without your help I would probably starve. Your Bean With Bacon, Your Split Pea With Bacon and, most especially, your Beef With Barley have been mainstays. This is not to denigrate some of your others that I have also tried during this ordeal. The Chunky Clam Chowder with a can of drained tuna thrown in is also a mainstay, especially when I'm going to be out and about for hours, that is a meal that really sticks to a man's ribs.
I do wonder, though, why you include your Chicken and Sausage Gumbo into the Chunky Soup line. I always kind of figured that a Chunky Soup should include something called "chunks". Slices of sausage thin enough to read an insurance policy through do not fit the definition of "chunks" Plus Gumbo implies "spice". Gumbo has some heat to the taste, this is some Yankee soup. It reminds me of the grits I got for a side at breakfast once up in Oregon, the poor dears were trying but they simply had no idea of what Grits are for. Campbell's. Please send your execs on a trip to Louisiana. Not New Orleans, one of the small towns out about fifty miles out, off the main highways. Order Gumbo. Ask questions and take notes.
Above all, Campbell's execs, for a soup to be called "Chunky Soup" it must have chunks instead of blow chunks.