Sunday, May 22, 2011

We Are Still Earthboud

So I got up, wondering when The Rapture was going to be. Linda Lou, who is a pretty fair hand at being a Christian did not disappear. Then the power went out and we started to wonder, just a little, did some really good Christians hit the wires on their way up?

Turned out somebody cut a tree and it fell the wrong way. Spoiled my plan, I was going to write a nice post and then, kind of in the middle of a sentence, say something like the dog ca

Then just hit post and see if everybody thought I'd been raptured. Personally I think that old duck out in Californey is just a little senile and simply got his calculations almost right, only one letter off. So, today he was not talking to anyone in the media. It's because today was his day to be ruptured. We won't hear from him until he gets him a truss.

In other news, it was Armed Forces Day. Somewhere along in May was the forty-sixth anniversary of the landings at Chu Lai. I was three minutes behind the first wave in an LCM MK8. There was a Rifle Platoon and a big ol' M-48 Tank. The Army, of course, already had the M-60. I was supposed to go with the guys that made the first landings at Da Nang until they put me off the boat in the practice landings in Okinawa. I had picked up a nice case of pneumonia. Oh well, a week in the hospital and then about six-eight weeks in Okinawa, first on light duty, then regular but still pulling liberty on a regular basis. I'm not sure if it's still that way over there but, back then there were a lot of girls with low morals that just loved them some teenaged American Servicemen. I must confess, back then I placed a very high value on low morals in a woman.

That bout of Pneumonia changed my life. If I hadn't got sick I would have gone into Da Nang, instead I went into Chu Lai, not very far away but the duty was very different. We got a lot closer to the people.

You know, we Viet Nam Vets are getting as old as the WW1 Vets of my boyhood. There were days that I spent hours in the park listening to their stories. I learned a lot from those old men. I reckon the Internet is my generation's park.

Well, Linda Lou just managed to fall down again, this time she was able to work herself up into the chair and get off the floor without the poor guys from the Tawakoni South Volunteer Fire Department. I feel the effing nursing home breathing down my neck. Linda Lou takes enough pills at night to knock out a horse. Then a dog wakes her or something does and she feels, since she's awake (sort of) and it's been two hours, she must get up and pee. Then she falls back asleep walking, I think, and the next thing I know I'm on the phone with the dispatcher.

Well, at least this time she didn't break anything. I'm pretty sure she'll have another big ol' bruise, though. I swear, if that woman ever turns on me, the way she's always bruised from falling down and scratched by dufous dog claws I could spend my golden years behind bars.

Nothing I can say (Lord knows I tried) convinces her to just go back to sleep. Nothing I can say (Lord knows I've tried) convinces her to lay off drinking soda right up until her head hits the pillow. Then there is a bottle right there on the table next to her. I reckon it took a stubborn, mule headed woman to put up with me all these years but we're past too much stubborn.

I wonder if the nursing home will let me have my computer and books. It's too much to think they'll let me have my loading press, components and guns. I can see it now, talking to the manager of the prospective nursing home "Why yes, it's a nice place but I'm going to need a small, lockable and fireproof locker for my black and smokeless powder for loading my cowboy action and general shooting ammo. Oh, and a lockable gun rack, please.

Somehow I don't see myself playing well in the nursing home. Golden years my butt.


pamibe said...

Then the power went out and we started to wonder, just a little, did some really good Christians hit the wires on their way up?

I feel bad about it, but I laughed out loud at this...

Poor Linda Lou. At least she didn't break anything!

Listen, I've seen some really nice assisted living facilities... places I wouldn't mind living... but the people there could only bring a cardboard box full of their stuff. Which sucks.

Anonymous said...

Sorry about the fall. An idea that helps us not have to "go" as much at night is--buy some Budget Saver sugar free popsicles they sell at Brookshires. No liquids after about 6 PM, only popsicles, which relieve your thirst without as much water. Second choice, tie her to the bed! Just kidding, but the nursing home is definitely a last resort, no matter how nice.


Peter said...

Mary, tying her to the bed would be a good idea if I were only twenty or thirty years younger.